The Best Relationship Advice
Relationships can uplift us, teach us, or test us — sometimes all at once! Fortunately, we have the greatest wisdom for every relationship in the Word of God, specifically in Romans 12:9-21. Here, the apostle Paul offers some of the best relational advice you’ll ever find! In my study, I narrowed these verses into four simple “sticky notes” to practice daily. I haven’t mastered any of them, and I often need reminders. I pray my study is beneficial to you and that you take time to dig deeper and meditate on these verses as well.
1. Outdo One Another in Showing Honor (Romans 12:10)
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
The world often promotes a “me-first” mentality. Paul encourages us to look for ways to build others up. How would your relationships change if you considered others’ needs before your own? What if we tried to “outdo” each other in honor?
NOTE: This doesn’t mean neglecting your own needs or ignoring boundaries. In simplest terms, it means intentionally looking for ways to SEE and acknowledge the worth God has placed in every person.
What this looks like:
- In Marriage: Speak life into your spouse. A simple “I admire how hard you work for our family” can affirm their efforts powerfully.
- In Parenting: Give your full attention when your child is sharing something with you, even if it’s small. Let them know their voice matters.
- In Friendships: Celebrate a friend’s win. A handwritten note or sincere compliment can be deeply honoring.
- At Work: Acknowledge a coworker’s contribution, even if it’s small or behind the scenes.
- In Serving: Don’t overlook the quiet servants — those stacking chairs or making meals. See them. Thank them.
2. Live Peaceably with All (Romans 12:18)
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
We can’t control how others act, but we are responsible for how we respond. Living peaceably means doing our part—choosing gentleness over harshness, patience over pride. Paul leaves room for reality here, but as much as it depends on us, our goal should be peace.
Peace doesn’t mean we agree all the time, nor does it require ignoring wrongdoing. Again, it includes intentionality and a genuine desire for understanding and reconciliation.
What this looks like:
- In Marriage: Pause before reacting in frustration. Ask, “What am I not seeing right now?” Choose understanding over defense.
- In Parenting: Stay calm when a child is emotional or defiant. Your peaceful tone helps regulate theirs.
- In Friendships: When tensions arise, lead with grace. It’s okay to say, “Let’s talk about that — I want to understand.”
- At Work: Diffuse office drama by refusing to gossip or escalate conflict. Be a calming presence.
- In Serving: If conflict arises in ministry, speak gently and redirect the focus back to your shared mission.
3. Repay Evil with Good (Romans 12:17–21)
“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
When we’re mistreated, our instinct is to retaliate. Yet Paul (and other places in Scripture) reminds us that the way of Jesus is different. We’re called to rise above the cycle of revenge. When we repay evil with good, we break the cycle, opening the door for God to work in ways we can’t imagine.
What this looks like:
- In Marriage: When your spouse is short-tempered or dismissive, respond with patience and kindness instead of matching their tone.
- In Parenting: Even when a child acts out, respond with steady love and correction, not out of anger.
- In Friendships: When someone lets you down, resist the urge to withdraw or talk about it with others. Instead, pray for them and extend your kindness with grace.
- At Work: If you’re mistreated, keep your integrity. Let your response be guided by character, not revenge.
- In Serving: If you feel criticized or overlooked, keep serving faithfully. Let your joy come from pleasing God, not people.
4. Live in Harmony Together (Romans 12:16)
“Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.”
Harmony is most often used in music, referring to the simultaneous sounding of different notes that blend well together, creating a pleasing sound. Outside of music, harmony suggests a state in which things function together smoothly and supportively. In relationships, harmony involves mutual understanding, cooperation, and the absence of strife. Various parts are different yet complement one another beautifully. Harmony doesn’t mean sameness, and it doesn’t mean ignoring differences, but it involves intentionally thinking through our words and actions.
What this looks like:
- In Marriage: Respect differences in personality or preferences. Value your spouse’s viewpoint even when it challenges your own.
- In Parenting: Teach children to value one another’s strengths and work as a team, and model that in your personal relationships.
- In Friendships: Be open to friends with diverse backgrounds, experiences, or perspectives. There’s beauty in variety.
- At Work: Collaborate with those who think differently from you. Find common ground instead of trying to win every point.
- In Serving: Work alongside others with a spirit of unity, not competition. Harmony happens when we pull together toward a shared purpose.
These four truths from Romans 12 are an invitation. As we honor others, pursue peace, respond with goodness, and live in harmony, we are choosing to live differently. Each of these requires intentionality, not based on how others treat us, but based on who we are in Christ.
What if, today (and every day), you chose to live this out — at home, with friends, at work, and with your church family?
What if we honored, even when we feel overlooked?
What if we pursued peace, even when others stir conflict?
What if we responded with grace, even when hurt?
What if we chose harmony, even when it’s easier to withdraw?
Take time to ask God to help you take one intentional step in a relationship, no matter how the other person behaves. His Spirit empowers us to love like Jesus, even in the hardest places.
Are you ready to take the first step?