Holiday tip (not a rant or directed at anyone, simply a life lesson): When you make plans for the holidays, it’s okay to start your own traditions. It’s even okay if those traditions change from year to year. In our family, we not only blended two different traditions but added a deployment cycle for the first several years of our marriage. With my husband gone for roughly half of our holidays, consistency wasn’t really possible. It’s only been since separation from the military that we’ve been able to start creating consistent family traditions. Some couples choose to alternate holidays between extended family. We did this for a while. Grandmama was the queen of Thanksgiving, with real homemade dressing, one of my husband’s favorite foods. One year, she even did Thanksgiving at a completely different time so he could have it before deploying. In my family, the extended family Christmas gathering rarely occurred on Christmas Day, so we would spend it with Peter’s family. Then we moved across the ocean. Adapting our traditions became necessary. Taking elements from each of our histories and adding new things just for our little family became an adventure of its own. In the years since we returned stateside, all of our grandparents have passed away. We still make it a priority for our kids to have quality time and relationships with their grandparents (our parents), but we’ve also decided that doesn’t have to include ALL of the extended family EVERY time. What matters most is time spent together and making memories. Traditions should fit the family and season of life you have now. This year isn’t the same as last year, and next year will be different, too. Traditions can change with you. Making memories happens in the most ordinary of moments: decorating the tree, cooking together, or sharing gifts. In recent years, we’ve added serving the less fortunate to our Christmas Day activities. On Christmas morning, instead of rushing to open presents, we go to the church building and serve members of the community. We look forward to sharing this time as a family before celebrating our own gratitude later in the day. Life is a journey filled with twists and turns—an understatement for a military family. Holidays can also have twists, turns, and even drama. Acknowledging that your traditions may change from year to year may include setting boundaries, yes, even with family. Changing a tradition doesn’t mean the old tradition was wrong or unimportant. Sometimes life simply changes. If you need to make changes for a healthier, happier holiday, consider these questions:

• Who do you want to include?
• What brings you joy?
• What allows you to feel most connected to your loved ones?
• How can you intentionally interact with others to make the most of every moment this season?

Traditions serve our families, not the other way around. It’s okay to start new ones, hold tightly to the ones that still matter, and let others change as life changes.