He got a kick out of her reaction, thus beginning a 70+ year tradition. He not only wrapped her gifts in brown paper, but he hid them, pulling them out as the last gift of the day. Her anger transformed into expectation. The contents of the humble packaging were often very valuable, usually jewelry or something special he knew she wanted but didn’t get for herself. In the later years, when the gathering family grew to 25–30 people, he discreetly added the brown box to her matriarchal pile of gifts. She still opened it last.

If you haven’t figured it out, this is another story about my grandparents. I learned so much from them. This brown paper packaging is no exception. It may even be one of the most important lessons. The best gifts are often hidden or disguised. After all, the Savior of the world entered the world in humble circumstances, born to a young woman and raised in a carpenter’s home. He lived without earthly wealth or status, even while teaching the crowds about the coming Kingdom. Isaiah 53 tells us He had no outward beauty to attract people, and He would be despised by many.

As the world remembers His birth, let us also remember the greatest gift of all: His sacrifice for our sins. Through Him, we can die to sin and be raised to walk in newness of life through baptism (Romans 6:3–4). Do you need to open His gift?

No one knows when their lasts will happen, either their last day or the last day with a loved one. In the episode of Doctor Who called “Last Christmas,” dream Danny reminds Clara that every Christmas is the last one. We ought to make every moment count. The most extraordinary memories are often in the most ordinary moments. Preparing the food, sitting at the table, cleaning up, and exchanging gifts may seem like the least important parts of the festivities, but those are often the moments when we hear the most laughter, share the best stories, and give the most hugs.

I would say my grandmother loved Christmas, except the joy she had during the holidays was bigger than that. Grandmama loved her family and getting as many people together as possible. She enjoyed hunting for the perfect gifts and the best bargains. She diligently wrapped each gift with love and an immaculate bow. She had a weakness for Christmas candy (all candy really, but Christmas was her favorite).

This will be the third Christmas without her and the second without my grandfather. Those who have a great presence in life leave a great void when they are gone. We don’t know which Christmas, gathering, or ordinary day together will become a treasured memory. Cherish those you love. Make new memories. Take AND be in all the photos, no matter how self-conscious you might be. One day, only pictures and memories will be left. Make them count.

The loss of my last grandparent has had a great impact on me. I miss Granddaddy more than I thought possible. I did all I could to see him often and call him regularly in the eleven months between losing Grandmama and the week he died. I enjoyed talking to him, listening to his stories, and watching his face. His joy and zest for life radiated through him! He had “smile crinkles” and a twinkle in his eye, especially when he was making up an answer or teasing. Every picture (or at least all of my favorite ones) shows off his joy, humor, and love.

For God, Family, and Country

I wrote before that my grandfather was a diligent student, especially of the Bible. My grandfather loved the Word of God. Scripture was his guidebook for life. He started every day with an open Bible and prayer. He took time to talk to anyone and answer questions. He had a way of gently teaching the truth that conveyed God’s love without condoning wrongdoing.

He loved and provided for his family. He worked hard and paid for all four of his children to attend college without debt. (He only paid for their first degree). Even when he traveled for work, his priority was to be home every night with his family. He never missed a worship service if he could help it. Even when my grandparents vacationed around the world, they would find a local congregation. I found a huge collection of church bulletins and tracts from different places they visited.

My grandfather was a patriot, loyal to the American Constitution. When Peter was on active duty, Grandmama made yellow ribbons, which Granddaddy faithfully put up through every deployment. He wore an American flag on his lapel, but not just as an ornament. He was a patriot who prayed for the leaders of the country (even when he didn’t like them or their values). These yellow ribbons meant so much to me during the many months that Peter was away, but not nearly as much as the comfort provided by my family.

Work and Play

Granddaddy retired when he turned 80. One of the last big trips my grandparents were able to take was visiting us in Germany. I treasure so much about that visit, even though we didn’t do a lot of sightseeing, because I was able to share my life—the ordinary everyday moments—with these amazing people.

Along with the many Bibles, commentaries, and religious books in his collection, he also had several of Dale Carnegie’s courses. He would listen to courses (on tape) during his traveling salesman days. He completed nearly all of Sunset’s Bible Courses and constantly strove to do better in all areas of his life.

His first and most important job was in service of the church. He retired from work, but he never retired from serving the Lord. He worked for the Lord every day of his life. Some days looked different than others. My grandparents held Bible studies, hosted small groups, and visited the sick and shut-ins. When my grandmother’s health declined, my grandfather’s service shifted to care for the love of his life. He worked for the Lord in everything he did.

Love without Limits

My grandparents married in 1949. When she died, they’d been married seventy-two and a half years. There were challenges in those times, but they stuck together, as long as life allowed. Just as Elisha walked with Elijah until God took him, my grandfather walked with my grandmother. Losing his lifelong companion was devastating. They’d scarcely been a day without one another since they were 16 years old. They took care of each other, supported each other, and really did life together! Their example means so much to me, especially now, though I miss them terribly.

As Christians, our love does not end in death. We have hope beyond this life. The day before he died, he repeated this part of Revelation 19:1, “Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power belong to our God!” He knew God and was ready to go. He walked with God in this life and into the next, never alone, though certainly lonely in the last year of his life. He was the last of his siblings and had outlived many of his oldest friends.

His favorite psalm was Psalm 133. He had these three verses committed to memory. He strove and prayed for unity in his family, church, and the world. He encouraged others to do the same.

Lesson 1: Be Present

My grandmother was present for every major milestone in my life. My baptism, my high school, college, and grad school graduations, my wedding, and the birth of my firstborn. She told me that my babies were really hers, but she would let me raise them. I think she probably said this to all her grandkids and even her own children. She let me know that I was doing an amazing job, and these words always came at the right time.

Lesson 2: Search the Scriptures

My grandmother did not “grow up in the church.” At some point, she went to VBS and was given a little Bible. She searched the Scriptures and went to every congregation in town seeking the Truth. She knew what the Bible said, but every place she went, she knew something was missing. She met my grandfather when they were sixteen. She was dating his friend at the time, but he decided that wouldn’t do. When they began dating, she went to church with him and his family and finally found that missing piece.

One Wednesday night, my grandfather had to work, but my grandmother went to services and was baptized for the forgiveness of sins. She didn’t do this for him or his parents—her only audience was the Creator and Savior. She lived her faith every day of her life. She continued to read and study her Bible. She taught her children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren through both words and actions.

Lesson 3: Be Hospitable

My grandmother could crochet, cross-stitch, and sew. She made numerous baby afghans and quilts. One of her cross-stitch projects was a parliament of owls with the caption, “There’s always room for one more.” At the time, there were seven grandchildren, so the picture has two big owls and seven various-sized smaller ones. About a year and a half after hanging it, two more grandkids had been added.

This sentiment didn’t only apply to grandkids, though. Everyone was welcome at my grandmother’s house. On more than one occasion, my dad’s brothers and sister would come to family events. My uncle’s mother spent several holidays with us after she moved in with my aunt and uncle due to Alzheimer’s. All our friends growing up were welcome. She started this with her own children, who often brought home “extras” or strays for the holidays. She taught hospitality by living it.

Lesson 4: Be Diligent in Your Faith

We never had to wonder what my grandmother thought about anything. She shared her pride as well as disappointment. She encouraged and supported us and prayed for us daily.

My grandmother knew hardship. Her family was poor, and she remembered times when food was scarce. She knew how to fend for herself and do what needed to be done without being asked. She made a choice to walk with Christ and didn’t look back. She looked for ways to reach up to God for answers and then reached out to others with all she could offer.

Lesson 5: Family Matters

During Peter’s first deployment, we lived in Colorado Springs. I was pregnant with Dietrich, and we decided I should stay with my parents for the last trimester. A lot of things happened during that time, the biggest of which was that my dad was diagnosed with and treated for non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma (now in full remission).

My grandmother came for his first treatment and at least one other to stay with me, “just in case.” She was there when my baby boy was born. She rode back to Colorado Springs with me when Dietrich was three months old and flew back home, just so I wouldn’t have to make the trip alone. She also came to the funerals of my “other grandparents” to show her love and support for my dad. When someone married into the family, she completely adopted them as her own.

Lesson 6: Be Spontaneous

My grandparents took many trips over the years; sometimes they would just get in the car and go. During the summers of my college years and while I went to graduate school, I lived with my grandparents and worked at my grandfather’s company. One of those years, I attended a quilt class with her. Each month, we made a new block, and by the end of the year, we had a quilt. I made all the blocks, and she finished the quilt.

She surprised me with both a visit and the finished quilt on my birthday in 2011. The last “surprise” visit was in April 2016, before her back surgery, which didn’t go as smoothly as planned.

Lesson 7: Keep Working until You Are Not Able

After her back surgery (and subsequent surgeries to fix what didn’t go right), she still worked on her quilts and scrapbooks, though it became a little less at a time. She finished all the grandkids’ books and was working through the great-grands when she couldn’t do anymore, sometime last year.

When I say scrapbooking, I don’t mean putting pictures in an album with a few names and dates. Our lives and family history are thoroughly documented in these books. (I have five.) She took great care to know what was going on in our lives, showed interest in our activities, and knew our friends’ names. She loved our friends because we did. She offered wisdom from the Bible, insight from experience, and unwavering support. Her prayers never faltered. Even when she was in great pain, she held on to her Hope.

I am deeply sad because Grandmama’s presence in my life was so big. I am immeasurably grateful for the many years and memories and that my children knew her so well. I am angry that the events of 2020 stole valuable time from us. I am relieved that she is free from pain and suffering. Yet more than all those feelings, I am overwhelmed by the example of God’s love that she poured out every day of her life. Her legacy is one that clings to Hope, always reaching up to the Father and out to His people.

When I was five years old, my father preached a sermon in which he talked about his mother dying. Well, this was news to me, as I’d just seen my grandparents both alive and well not too long before. My mother realized very quickly that I was not only paying attention but also very upset, thinking Grandma was dead. She explained that my dad’s mother died when he was seven years old and that Grandpa remarried, so I had two Grandmas. My parents did not keep this information from us; this is simply the age when the information “clicked” in my brain. Though I didn’t know that first Grandma, I lost her that day.

Fast forward 17 years to 2002. I had just graduated from college and had a couple of weeks left in on-campus housing before moving into my new apartment. I received a call that my Grandpa had passed away. He had been in the hospital with complications after heart surgery, and the prognosis had gone back and forth, but the loss was still unexpected.

My college minister and his wife helped me move the rest of my belongings into my new apartment so I could be cleared with housing. My flight home was my first post-9/11 flight. With a one-way ticket and only a small carry-on, I became a red flag for additional screening. The screener put my toiletry bag back into the larger bag upside down, which meant my contact case was upside down, too. This still aggravates me.

I remember walking down the steps toward the area where people met arriving passengers and seeing my dad. We cried as we embraced. So many people came to the memorial service to honor a gospel preacher of just over 50 years. I learned a lot about Grandpa that day, which made the loss more complicated.

Yesterday, my Grandma died. She’s been unwell for a while. Her suffering is finally over. Like Grandpa, she spent a lifetime in the Lord’s service, teaching Bible classes, helping with church secretarial tasks, typing for my grandfather, leading Ladies’ Bible studies, and generally serving alongside her husband as a preacher’s wife.

Here is what my own father wrote about his mother for his church bulletin:

On February 14, 1960, fifty-five years ago, a Christian woman named Mary became my second mother. When she married my dad she knew the job that lay ahead. She became “instant mama” to three sons: a seven-year-old, a five-year-old, and a five-month-old. Many women would have run from such a task, but my mother took on the challenge and met it well. She encouraged me to become a preacher, provided a listening ear, and gave me the little sister I wanted. My first memory of hearing the phrase “treated like a stepchild” was as a young adult. I didn’t comprehend what it meant. Technically I was a stepson, but I never felt like one. Yesterday mother went home to be with the Lord. Although mom was eighty-four years old, for her children and grandchildren her death was still too early. I’m thankful to God for two wonderful mothers: the one who bore me and the one who finished molding me.

Grandpa asked me during many visits when I was going to get married and start having great-grandbabies. He died five years before I married and six years before his first great-grandbaby was born. I am so glad that my Grandma lived long enough to meet both of my babies in person.

I didn’t take any pictures of our last visit because she didn’t look like herself, and I wanted to remember her as she is in these pictures. Our visits were not as often as I would have preferred, but distance, her poor health, and my son’s severe allergy to cats all acted as barriers.

I made efforts to call regularly, even while living in Germany. I set an alarm on my phone with Acappella’s “I’m Gonna Keep on Workin’ ’Til He Comes” so I would remember to call at a good time despite the time difference. The song fits her personality. She taught Ladies’ Bible Study until she felt unable to give it her best effort and continued participating until worsening health made even that impossible.

In all of my phone calls with her, she told me she was proud of me, that I am a good mom, and that she loved me. Just as my dad never felt like he wasn’t really her son, I’ve never felt like less than her granddaughter.

This week, we prepare for a family reunion of sorts as we gather to say an earthly goodbye to Grandma.

I am so glad to be a Christian, to have hope beyond this life, and to know that the end of Grandma’s suffering on this earth is the beginning of a beautiful, joy-filled, pain-free eternity.