The Responsibility of Freedom

Since the funerals of my grandparents, I haven’t pushed the kids to attend every service. However, there are a few I deem as “important,” not for the sake of how well we knew the individual, but for the sake of showing love to those left behind.

These lessons are not simple but necessary for navigating life. As the adage goes, “No one gets out of this life alive.” No matter the age of your children, be clear when talking about death. Saying “they passed away” or “they didn’t make it” is vague and confusing.

As a Christian, I do not believe that death is the end of the story. However, there is still finality. For our time on this side of eternity, death is permanent. We can no longer see, hear, talk with, or hug the one who has died. Yet we have hope. We can be sad that our loved one is gone, relieved that their suffering is over, and joyful that the story isn’t over. Each of the emotions we experience is okay. It is important to teach your children that they are allowed to feel all the things.

Some services are more difficult than others, just as some losses are more complicated than others. Know yourself and your child(ren) well enough to pick up on cues. Some children are tender-hearted and tearful, some become overwhelmed by the emotions and people in the room, and some may seem stoic and unmoved. Meet them where they are, talk openly and honestly, and give them the kind of space they need. As long as they are safe, I allow my children to go to a different room if necessary.

The last lesson is minding what you say to the grieving. It is enough to say, “I’m sorry for your loss.” You don’t have to say anything else. Remember that Job’s friends were a great comfort to him until they spoke. Do share your memories of the person and how much you will miss them. Avoid asking questions that require the grieving person to make a decision. “Let me know if you need anything” is a nice sentiment, but in grief, a person may not know what they need. Offer something instead. “I’m going to bring a meal over on such and such a date, if that works for you.” You remove a burden but also leave it open.

After my friend’s mom died, we only had a week until ballet performance. I told her I would take care of the meal plan that week since we would be together anyway. She didn’t have to make any decisions; she only had to show up on time—a big enough challenge during grief!

Funerals are not fun, but you can experience joy even in sorrow. Grief is a process. Grief looks different from day to day. Grief comes in waves, some small and others like a tsunami. Some you wade through, some bury you, but eventually, you learn to surf.

We had many discussions leading up to Election Day. My son was allowed to stay up much later than usual (though not as long as it took to hit the 270 mark), and we kept talking. As we learned together this year, I went beyond the lessons of which issues matter most for our family. This time, I wanted to make clear that no matter who is in a position of authority, our position does not change. Here are the lessons I teach and strive to model.

1. No matter who holds the president’s office, my character remains the same. Who I am doesn’t change with the person in office. The roles I fill and the way I respond remain consistent.

2. No matter what the president or any other leader says, my beliefs do not change. Change in beliefs happens through deep study, asking tough questions, and conviction by the Spirit.

3. No matter what happens in Washington, D.C., or any other government office, my daily routine is unaffected. I still get up in the morning, drink my coffee, and teach my children. I still read my Bible, pray, worship, and serve others.

4. Finally, no matter who holds any earthly position of authority, God remains sovereign. Throughout Scripture, we read that God places people in positions of authority, but we are also reminded to follow God’s commands first.

I’ve had many elections that did not end in my candidate’s success, but my response is to continue praying for the leaders and the decisions they make. In other words, an election does not fundamentally change my identity as God’s child or His position over all things. As a believer, I hold on to His Truth, live in His good, pleasing, and perfect will to the best of my ability, and rest in His grace when I fall short.

Our congregation is small. Most of the time, I have one student. A class with one student is still a class worth teaching. In fact, one-on-one teaching provides opportunities that are much harder to find in a larger group. I can listen to every question, follow his interests, recognize when something isn’t connecting, and adjust the lesson to what he needs that day. The goal isn’t to get through the material. The goal is to teach the child in front of me.

The first and most important “rule” in teaching, no matter the age or size of your audience, is your willingness to listen. The second is cultivating critical thinking and teaching how to find Biblical answers to any question.

At least five times during the class, a child will ask, “Can I tell you something?” I always stop, make eye contact, and say, “Yes.” While he tells me whatever is on his mind, I listen and respond. Because he is typically the only student in the class, there have been times when the lesson is disregarded because what he needs is to cry and be held. There have been days when the lesson is shorter, and he shows me how fast he can run around the table. When we teach children, we must be in tune with their needs. I still talk to him or sing as he snuggles or runs around the room. He knows he is safe and loved when he is with me, even when I set boundaries. Listening does not mean abandoning the lesson. Listening helps us know how to connect what we are teaching to the child in front of us.

No matter what age I teach, I often feel like I gain more than the students. I learn more as I study and adapt to the ages and stages of the children. When I teach, I also learn from them. The observations children make reflect their understanding and experience. Their questions provide opportunities, even for the teacher, to learn and grow.

Teaching children to love Jesus and follow God’s Will is about much more than the rules or a collection of stories and memory verses. Share what the love of Jesus means to you. Share how following God has challenged you and helped you in your life—yes, even with 3–4-year-olds! Help them write God’s Word on their hearts so that as they grow, they understand and apply the rules and stories in their own lives.

Children need more than opportunities to hear us talk about following Jesus. They need to see us follow Him, and they need opportunities to follow Him beside us.

When it comes to serving, I do not tell children they are too young or too little. In my family, my children are included in everything I do. I grew up with this example, so it was natural for me. I enjoy making meals for new moms, someone who’s recently had surgery, or those who’ve lost loved ones. My kids work alongside me, and we often make the deliveries together.

In the Old Testament, we are instructed to teach our children “as we go.” Hundreds of years later, Jesus tells us to “go” and share the Gospel. Go does not always mean leaving one place to do something in another. Go often means taking action right where you are.

My job as a mom is to prepare my children to go into the world. When they are little, you teach them to look (“Watch where you are going!”) and listen (“Follow directions!”). These same lessons hold great value as we grow up and go about in the world. Look for ways to serve, listen to the needs of others, and take action.

Teach them about Jesus as you go. Better yet, take them with you.

While these are true for me, I also grew up with the Bible. I enjoyed hearing the accounts in Scripture over and over again. I enjoyed listening to my dad’s sermon illustrations long before I understood the depth of his preaching. I grew up in church, singing songs before I could carry a tune and serving people before I knew what that meant. One of my dad’s favorites (which became one of mine since we sang it often) is “Victory in Jesus.”

In June of 2002, at my grandfather’s memorial service, I learned that my dad’s love for this song may have come from his dad, who was also a preacher. He had a favorite sermon that he took everywhere, “just in case” he was asked to preach, titled “Victory in Jesus.”

God made the plan for redemption before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:3–10). The cross was not a backup plan because of our sin. The cross was THE plan to reconcile us!

When we are confronted with our sin, our belief in Jesus leads us to godly sorrow, which leads to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). Repentance then leads us to obedience. When we are baptized into Christ, we are forgiven. When we come out of the water, we walk in a new life (Romans 6:3–4).

I don’t know the details of my Grandpa’s sermon, but I have the benefit of the lessons he taught my dad. I now strive to continue that legacy so my children also claim Victory in Jesus!

Of all the lessons we teach our children, though, one matters more than the rest. We are teaching them to know God, know His Word, and live out their faith.

In 2020, after months of waiting, the youth at our congregation performed their LTC events. The annual convention was canceled, and we met virtually for almost three months. The kids finally shared what they had been learning. The theme for 2020 was Rescued.

Our son based his speech on Mario rescuing the princess over and over again. One of my favorite things about teaching this boy is the connections he makes using the fun things he enjoys with practical Bible truths.

Those connections are part of what it means to train our children in the Father’s business. Bible lessons aren’t meant to remain inside the church building or become one more subject to complete during the school day. God’s Word becomes part of the way they understand the world around them.

Deuteronomy 6 describes this kind of teaching as part of everyday life. We talk about God’s commands when we sit at home, when we walk along the road, when we lie down, and when we get up (Deuteronomy 6:6–7). Faith isn’t something we teach only during a designated Bible lesson. Our children see it in the way we worship, pray, serve, obey, repent, and live.

Jesus taught this lesson throughout His ministry, but specifically in Matthew 22:36–40. Love God. Love people.

We teach our children countless lessons. We teach them to read, solve problems, develop life skills, serve others, and navigate the world around them. All of those things matter. Faith, however, cannot simply become one more subject on that list. We teach our children about God as we go, helping them connect His Word to the lives they are already living.

Of all the lessons I teach my children, teaching them to know God, love Him, and live according to His Word is the most important.