In every class I teach, no matter how many students or their age, each person gets an opportunity to share. Even if I can’t understand them, I look them in the eye and listen as they speak. I use each person’s name and meet them where they are. No one leaves my class without being seen, heard, and loved.

A few days after VBS, my kids left for church camp, and I was alone much of the day. I spent my extra time helping children and teens create bulletin boards and door signs for the new Bible class year. I planned about four hours for the first group, but we finished in less than two—including taking down the old boards and cutting letters and large shapes. I expected the second group to take about two hours, but it took a little more than four.

The two groups differed greatly in personality, organization, and efficiency, but I enjoyed each person for all their individual talents and quirks.

I rarely remember to take before pictures. I occasionally remember to take pictures in the middle. I always remember to capture the finished bulletin boards.

Interestingly, the finished bulletin boards are visible reminders of something much greater.

It’s not about the “mess” of creating the bulletin boards. It’s about the conversations with the kids, the joking and laughter, and sometimes the quiet moments that remind me why being present matters. I’ve built this trust over years, simply by being present and listening. For some, that began when they were babbling toddlers and preschoolers.

Some moments are simply more important to experience than to photograph.

In both a room full of excited preschoolers during Vacation Bible School and an afternoon with a handful of older kids creating bulletin boards around a table, the lesson is the same.

God is often working in the unseen moments between life’s milestones. Those moments rarely make it into the photo album, yet they’re the ones that shape our hearts.

Nine and a half years later, I find myself revisiting past writings. Many times in the past nine and a half years, we’ve been in a state of transition. Whether with my husband’s employment and education journey, moving into a house, or parenting tweens and teens, each change has created new challenges. I also wouldn’t change anything.

I still enjoy “just five more minutes” to Be Still before the day gets started. This is easier with older kids who now enjoy sleeping past eight o’clock. Even though they are “big kids,” the days continue to be filled with interruptions. No longer dirty diapers or meeting every physical need, but still resolving conflicts, helping with schoolwork, and listening to what’s on their mind. My youngest still wants extra snuggles and reading time together. My oldest asks for just “one more hug” at least twice after going to bed. They know they can count on me for more than five-minute intervals.

Each day, I take time to remember the blessing of each moment and forget the obstacles of the day. I choose to relish the victories. The children who once needed me for nearly everything now need me differently, and the time when they leave is visibly approaching. My prayers continue to be for more patience, strength, and grace for tomorrow, but also that I’m equipping them for what they need when they leave.

During the ceremony, I remembered my grandfather’s words to us, not just on that day, but throughout the years.
What do you remember about your wedding day? How much time and planning went into your celebration? Our wedding day had some hiccups (including a flood, a health scare, and a bumped flight), and our marriage isn’t perfect, but my husband and I focus on building our relationship. Communication, connection, and intimacy are foundational to any relationship.

My husband likes to tell the following joke: “Marriage is a three-ring circus. Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Suffer-ing.” This gets him some laughs and a few eye-rolls as well. All joking aside, weddings are a beautiful thing. However, many people spend a small (or large) fortune on one day and do not invest in their marriage. Marriage also gives us a powerful picture of God’s relationship with His people throughout Scripture.

In the Old Testament, God uses marriage to describe His covenant relationship with Israel. He speaks of loving and providing for her, while Israel’s repeated unfaithfulness is described as adultery. Even in judgment, God calls His people to return to Him and promises restoration.

In the New Testament, the marriage imagery continues with Christ and the church. Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25), and Revelation looks forward to the wedding of the Lamb, when His bride has made herself ready (Revelation 19:7).

As Christians, we wait for the return of our Bridegroom and the wedding of the Lamb. How do we behave in the waiting? Do we make preparations so that we are ready for the day? Are we faithfully living out the relationship we claim to have with Him? Be committed to studying His Word, a love letter that reminds us who God is and how deeply He loves us. Talk to Him throughout your day, about everything! As we spend time in His Word and in prayer, we grow in our knowledge of Him and learn to live faithfully while we wait.

On the surface, those may seem like conflicting feelings. I even thought that to myself as I sighed in relaxation after everyone left and we settled down for the night. Then I realized that my first priority in hospitality is with my own family.

Loving and serving others begins with learning to love and serve faithfully within our own home. As a wife and mom, I serve my family because I love them and want them to succeed. I do not expect anything in return. When I serve outside of my family, my family serves alongside me, because they’ve experienced the joy of serving firsthand.

Note: None of that means my household is free from arguments, bad attitudes, or stress. We do not always get along perfectly or handle disagreements with grace. However, we take what we learn and try to do better. We take what we learn in the safety of our home into other relationships in the community.

It’s been said that the family is the church in miniature. Remember that the church is not a building, but rather a group of people. Church isn’t a place to go. Church is something to be and do!

In my musings over my seemingly contradictory thoughts, my mind rested on the phrase “keepers at home.” This is found in Titus 2:5 in the King James Version of the Bible. The word used here is only found in this passage. This sent me down some wild rabbit trails—everything from “women should only ever work at home” to “this was a specific suggestion for Paul’s audience at that time.” Like many things, the truth is likely somewhere in the middle. When possible, feasible, and agreeable, I do believe that a stay-at-home mom is the best model to follow. It takes diligence and even sacrifice, but it’s by far the best choice for our family. I also became intrigued by the meaning of the word used here in the original language. The word oikourgos is a compound word. Oik means house, home, or household. Ourgos means to keep watch, guard, and manage. The implication for a wife as manager of the household is much more than simply the domestic duties of cooking, cleaning, and raising children.

Besides my enjoyment of studying words, I also focus on context. Paul is telling Titus how to teach what is right and encourages the church to do the same. He outlines the responsibilities of older men, older women, younger men, younger women, and slaves. Titus 2:3–5 (BSB) says: “Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior, not slanderers or addicted to much wine, but teachers of good. In this way they can train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, managers of their households, kind, and submissive to their own husbands so that the word of God will not be discredited.”

Older women are to teach younger women how to live a godly life in action. Our culture may be very different than first-century Crete in many ways, but one truth remains: People will SEE our actions before they ever LISTEN to our words.

The loss of my last grandparent has had a great impact on me. I miss Granddaddy more than I thought possible. I did all I could to see him often and call him regularly in the eleven months between losing Grandmama and the week he died. I enjoyed talking to him, listening to his stories, and watching his face. His joy and zest for life radiated through him! He had “smile crinkles” and a twinkle in his eye, especially when he was making up an answer or teasing. Every picture (or at least all of my favorite ones) shows off his joy, humor, and love.

For God, Family, and Country

I wrote before that my grandfather was a diligent student, especially of the Bible. My grandfather loved the Word of God. Scripture was his guidebook for life. He started every day with an open Bible and prayer. He took time to talk to anyone and answer questions. He had a way of gently teaching the truth that conveyed God’s love without condoning wrongdoing.

He loved and provided for his family. He worked hard and paid for all four of his children to attend college without debt. (He only paid for their first degree). Even when he traveled for work, his priority was to be home every night with his family. He never missed a worship service if he could help it. Even when my grandparents vacationed around the world, they would find a local congregation. I found a huge collection of church bulletins and tracts from different places they visited.

My grandfather was a patriot, loyal to the American Constitution. When Peter was on active duty, Grandmama made yellow ribbons, which Granddaddy faithfully put up through every deployment. He wore an American flag on his lapel, but not just as an ornament. He was a patriot who prayed for the leaders of the country (even when he didn’t like them or their values). These yellow ribbons meant so much to me during the many months that Peter was away, but not nearly as much as the comfort provided by my family.

Work and Play

Granddaddy retired when he turned 80. One of the last big trips my grandparents were able to take was visiting us in Germany. I treasure so much about that visit, even though we didn’t do a lot of sightseeing, because I was able to share my life—the ordinary everyday moments—with these amazing people.

Along with the many Bibles, commentaries, and religious books in his collection, he also had several of Dale Carnegie’s courses. He would listen to courses (on tape) during his traveling salesman days. He completed nearly all of Sunset’s Bible Courses and constantly strove to do better in all areas of his life.

His first and most important job was in service of the church. He retired from work, but he never retired from serving the Lord. He worked for the Lord every day of his life. Some days looked different than others. My grandparents held Bible studies, hosted small groups, and visited the sick and shut-ins. When my grandmother’s health declined, my grandfather’s service shifted to care for the love of his life. He worked for the Lord in everything he did.

Love without Limits

My grandparents married in 1949. When she died, they’d been married seventy-two and a half years. There were challenges in those times, but they stuck together, as long as life allowed. Just as Elisha walked with Elijah until God took him, my grandfather walked with my grandmother. Losing his lifelong companion was devastating. They’d scarcely been a day without one another since they were 16 years old. They took care of each other, supported each other, and really did life together! Their example means so much to me, especially now, though I miss them terribly.

As Christians, our love does not end in death. We have hope beyond this life. The day before he died, he repeated this part of Revelation 19:1, “Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power belong to our God!” He knew God and was ready to go. He walked with God in this life and into the next, never alone, though certainly lonely in the last year of his life. He was the last of his siblings and had outlived many of his oldest friends.

His favorite psalm was Psalm 133. He had these three verses committed to memory. He strove and prayed for unity in his family, church, and the world. He encouraged others to do the same.

Lesson 1: Be Present

My grandmother was present for every major milestone in my life. My baptism, my high school, college, and grad school graduations, my wedding, and the birth of my firstborn. She told me that my babies were really hers, but she would let me raise them. I think she probably said this to all her grandkids and even her own children. She let me know that I was doing an amazing job, and these words always came at the right time.

Lesson 2: Search the Scriptures

My grandmother did not “grow up in the church.” At some point, she went to VBS and was given a little Bible. She searched the Scriptures and went to every congregation in town seeking the Truth. She knew what the Bible said, but every place she went, she knew something was missing. She met my grandfather when they were sixteen. She was dating his friend at the time, but he decided that wouldn’t do. When they began dating, she went to church with him and his family and finally found that missing piece.

One Wednesday night, my grandfather had to work, but my grandmother went to services and was baptized for the forgiveness of sins. She didn’t do this for him or his parents—her only audience was the Creator and Savior. She lived her faith every day of her life. She continued to read and study her Bible. She taught her children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren through both words and actions.

Lesson 3: Be Hospitable

My grandmother could crochet, cross-stitch, and sew. She made numerous baby afghans and quilts. One of her cross-stitch projects was a parliament of owls with the caption, “There’s always room for one more.” At the time, there were seven grandchildren, so the picture has two big owls and seven various-sized smaller ones. About a year and a half after hanging it, two more grandkids had been added.

This sentiment didn’t only apply to grandkids, though. Everyone was welcome at my grandmother’s house. On more than one occasion, my dad’s brothers and sister would come to family events. My uncle’s mother spent several holidays with us after she moved in with my aunt and uncle due to Alzheimer’s. All our friends growing up were welcome. She started this with her own children, who often brought home “extras” or strays for the holidays. She taught hospitality by living it.

Lesson 4: Be Diligent in Your Faith

We never had to wonder what my grandmother thought about anything. She shared her pride as well as disappointment. She encouraged and supported us and prayed for us daily.

My grandmother knew hardship. Her family was poor, and she remembered times when food was scarce. She knew how to fend for herself and do what needed to be done without being asked. She made a choice to walk with Christ and didn’t look back. She looked for ways to reach up to God for answers and then reached out to others with all she could offer.

Lesson 5: Family Matters

During Peter’s first deployment, we lived in Colorado Springs. I was pregnant with Dietrich, and we decided I should stay with my parents for the last trimester. A lot of things happened during that time, the biggest of which was that my dad was diagnosed with and treated for non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma (now in full remission).

My grandmother came for his first treatment and at least one other to stay with me, “just in case.” She was there when my baby boy was born. She rode back to Colorado Springs with me when Dietrich was three months old and flew back home, just so I wouldn’t have to make the trip alone. She also came to the funerals of my “other grandparents” to show her love and support for my dad. When someone married into the family, she completely adopted them as her own.

Lesson 6: Be Spontaneous

My grandparents took many trips over the years; sometimes they would just get in the car and go. During the summers of my college years and while I went to graduate school, I lived with my grandparents and worked at my grandfather’s company. One of those years, I attended a quilt class with her. Each month, we made a new block, and by the end of the year, we had a quilt. I made all the blocks, and she finished the quilt.

She surprised me with both a visit and the finished quilt on my birthday in 2011. The last “surprise” visit was in April 2016, before her back surgery, which didn’t go as smoothly as planned.

Lesson 7: Keep Working until You Are Not Able

After her back surgery (and subsequent surgeries to fix what didn’t go right), she still worked on her quilts and scrapbooks, though it became a little less at a time. She finished all the grandkids’ books and was working through the great-grands when she couldn’t do anymore, sometime last year.

When I say scrapbooking, I don’t mean putting pictures in an album with a few names and dates. Our lives and family history are thoroughly documented in these books. (I have five.) She took great care to know what was going on in our lives, showed interest in our activities, and knew our friends’ names. She loved our friends because we did. She offered wisdom from the Bible, insight from experience, and unwavering support. Her prayers never faltered. Even when she was in great pain, she held on to her Hope.

I am deeply sad because Grandmama’s presence in my life was so big. I am immeasurably grateful for the many years and memories and that my children knew her so well. I am angry that the events of 2020 stole valuable time from us. I am relieved that she is free from pain and suffering. Yet more than all those feelings, I am overwhelmed by the example of God’s love that she poured out every day of her life. Her legacy is one that clings to Hope, always reaching up to the Father and out to His people.

As a mom, my biggest wish is for the days to go more smoothly.

I wish for a peaceful, uninterrupted night’s sleep. I wish to wake truly refreshed and ready for all the day may bring. I wish for the energy to tackle a physical workout and spiritual devotional time before everyone else joins me.

I wish for no arguing as we eat breakfast and start schoolwork. I wish for seamless, smooth transitions from work to play. I wish that play were less about screens and more about imagination. I wish for the children to get along with each other and with me, so our errands would go smoothly and without incident.

I wish all these things happened consistently, rather than sporadically.

In other words, smooth days seem beyond my grasp.

Yet so much of what matters most is already mine.

I do not have to wish for children who love me and want to be with me. I do not have to wish for a husband who is home with me after so many seasons of separation.

I do not have to wish for supportive family or friends. I do not have to wish for enough food or a place to call home, even during times of transition.

I do not have to wish for peace, grace, or salvation.

No, my days do not run smoothly in this season of life, but I have so much for which to be thankful.

Perhaps the miracle is not a perfectly smooth day. Perhaps I need to notice how much I have already been given.