Not Fair


grief and loss-


not fair

Not Fair

Life isn’t fair. I know because my mama told me so when I was about two or three years old. Too harsh, you might think, but in her defense, I was verbal by two and already opinionated. I could have been whining or complaining at the time. I think I whined a lot in my younger years and I still like to complain.

Life isn’t fair when parents die. It’s less fair if parents willingly abandon their children to pursue their own selfish desires.DSCF1523

Life isn’t fair when the pennies can’t stretch far enough each month.

Life isn’t fair when illness rips through a person’s mind and body, leaving them unrecognizable to those around them.  

Life isn’t fair when all a grandparent wants is to see their great-grandchildren, but their time on earth ends before this dream becomes a reality.

Life isn’t fair when all a couple wants is to have a child, while all around them people are killing their unborn children or abusing and neglecting their children. Surely such people are less deserving. Why do they receive this blessing when they clearly do not appreciate the gift?

Life isn’t fair when the test is positive, everything seems fine one day, and just as quickly the womb is once again empty. Life really isn’t fair when this happens to each sibling in a family.

My own loss remains the single greatest traumatic event in my life. However, I had Dietrich to keep me from wallowing and we had just moved. Sometimes, I still feel the weight of that loss, typically about this time every year. My yearly “funk” had just begun when my sister told me good news, too soon to be followed by devastation. My heart hurts for her in such a big way. I cry out through the unfairness. I believe my sweet, baby sister should be exempt from such heartache and pain.

My darling sister is the most tender-hearted of us. When we were kids, she would cry when everyone else was in trouble. She loves in big ways and continuously surprises me with her generous heart. If ever someone should be exempt from losing a child, it should be my sister. It isn’t fair.

One thought that brought me comfort after my own loss was picturing my Grandpa and his first wife, a grandmother I never knew, with my baby (in June, my Grandma was added to this image in my head). He always wanted many great-grandbabies and now he’s surrounded by them in heaven.

As I searched for picture ideas for this post, I found this. Maybe it will encourage you as it did me.

20 thoughts on “Not Fair

  1. Jonathan @ EagleSoaringHigher

    Through the good and the bad God is an ever present help. He is the ultimate Comforter. Life is not fair. Yet God is always good.
    Jonathan @ EagleSoaringHigher recently posted…Are You Setting S.M.A.R.T. Goals?My Profile

    1. growin49_wp

      Indeed, He is good, all the time. His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. I praise Him for that. What a wonderful God we serve: allowing us to lament and cry out to Him, cradling us through the darkness until such a time as He reveals His light – the plan He’s made for our good from before the beginning of time!

  2. Rene D

    I like to think when there is loss here on earth (as in loss of a parent, grandparent, sibling, etc.) that God just needed a very special angel in heaven… And I imagine all the lovelies looking down on us with love, patiently waiting for us to return home..
    Rene D recently posted…Carolyn’s Pumpkin Harvest PilafMy Profile

    1. growin49_wp

      Sometimes that homesickness is so great, so big. I am joyful that they are on the Other Side, miss what could have been, and a whole lot of other emotions at once. Thank you for your kind encouragement.

  3. andi

    as long as God is with us
    andi recently posted…FREE Campbells Organic Soup Thru Wednesday!My Profile

    1. growin49_wp


  4. Denise

    We lost a babe right after we found out we were pregnant. Tubal pregnancy.

    1. growin49_wp

      I am truly sorry for your loss as well! <3

  5. Valerie

    I’m so sorry for all the loss that you have faced. Life is not fair. This earth has so much pain and sadness. I’m so glad that we have the hope of heaven and that one day we will not feel the pain of loss. God bless you!

    1. growin49_wp

      Thank you for your sweet encouraging words.

  6. Marissa

    Life isn’t fair, in fact it is often painful and sad and harsh. It sounds like you know this all to well. I pray you find more moments of joy in this life as well.


    1. growin49_wp

      Most days my joy is full, my heart only burdened with today’s troubles. I rely on that hope so much. When a new and ridiculously unfair event happens in my immediate circle, all the loss comes to the surface. Grief is funny that way.

  7. Jenny @ Unremarkable Files

    So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It never leaves you, it’s something you’ll always think about. I think talking about it helps, though! I’ve never had a moment’s doubt that I’ll be with those little people again, and another thought that helped me was that now I can empathize with someone else who’s miscarried and maybe make it a little easier for her now that I’ve been there.
    Jenny @ Unremarkable Files recently posted…Why I’ve Never Bought School Pictures… And I Never WillMy Profile

    1. growin49_wp

      Coming up on four years though some days I recall it like yesterday. I also have no doubt I will meet my baby one day, and certainly I’ve been able to empathize with and minister to more people than I imagined possible because of my experience. I sure hoped my own sister would be exempt from the pain though.

  8. Helene

    Angie, I am so sorry! I too learned early that life isn’t fair but I am glad that God will in the end bring peace and justice and even now brings us comfort!

    1. growin49_wp

      His comfort, the family (both the one I was born into and my church family – all over the world), and resting in His Word truly brought peace at a time when everything seemed bleak. Thank you for your kind encouragment.

  9. Jessica Loyd

    I can usually say something out of compassion and empathy but when it comes to losing a child, that is one of those times when I find myself absolutely and completely at a loss for words. My words always come from my heart but my heart has never felt this kind of pain.
    So know that I desperately *want* to say something compassionate but I have nothing and saying nothing is so much better than spewing meaningless words or a cliche.

    1. growin49_wp

      You have such a kind and generous heart, dear friend. One of many reasons I love you: you don’t mince words when needed but you don’t try to conjure an experience/emotion either. You’ve known other losses and hardships, many of which I only know from books or the experiences of others. We learn from each other.

  10. Katrina

    Oh, gosh. I so hear you on this. Life most definitely isn’t always fair. I’ve had 5 miscarriages myself. For someone who embraces life, who welcomes life, those miscarriages sure weren’t fair. And right now I am 30 weeks pregnant with a precious son who was diagnosed at 16 weeks with a life-limiting (some call it fatal) diagnosis. And this happens to me? Someone who would never kill a child in my womb, someone who completely embraces life, has been given this child who will not live long outside the womb? How is that fair? See, I just don’t think God works that way. What is “fair”, anyway? There is no “fair” in this life. Our life here on earth is meant to be broken, to be flawed. Earth started out as perfect, with no pain and no death. But then Eve bit the apple, and you know the rest of that story. So now we live in a broken world. And we have pain. And death. And sadness. And it sure doesn’t feel fair. But we are only seeing our trials through our own imperfect, flawed vision. God sees the full picture. He knows what He is doing, and why He is doing it. And it’s not for us to question (although it’s almost impossible not to) but instead it is for us to endure, for us to grow from. I believe it is God’s way to giving us the opportunity to grow more Christ-like. Aren’t we all supposed to aspire to be like Jesus? And didn’t Jesus suffer the unimaginable…for us? Maybe we are supposed to do our share of suffering, too. I don’t know how close I am to the answer of “why” these things happen to people who don’t deserve it, but these are just my thoughts.

    1. growin49_wp

      God certainly has an ultimate plan and works all things together for good for His children (those who have accepted His salvation). I am sorry for your many losses, and the struggle you must be facing even now. I’ll be praying for you. Thank you for offering your thoughts.

Comments are closed.