This is going to be “my year” – the year where I finally make progress toward my weight/health related goals. A dear friend is aiding me in this journey – providing invaluable support. This month, I’m participating in a “Radiance Project” with her and her mentor (a project not focused solely on “getting skinny” but on overall health: mind, body, and soul).
This week is focused on getting ready. The first challenge from the mentor: confront the underlying fears hindering success. Generally speaking, being honest and putting my thoughts into words is not a problem. However, confronting something in myself is challenging. As a Christian, “fear” isn’t something I think about or focus on because I have the truth of scripture to replace the lie of fear:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 (NIV)
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 (NIV)
Throughout my day, I struggled to name the fear(s) that interfere with goal achievement and daily life. I read the posts of others in the (closed Facebook) group, feeling able to relate with some but not others. Finally, as I settled for the night, I came up with three broad categories for my anxieties – anxieties I hang on to rather than giving over to God (or take back after giving them to Him).
Inadequacy – I fight these feelings daily: as a mom, as a homeschooler, as a wife. Am I doing enough, teaching enough, teaching the right things, being supportive, providing healthy food, setting a good example? The list could go on. The biggest problem area has been homeschooling. Though it is the right choice during our time of transition, Dietrich is a force to be reckoned with. We fight each day about whether he has to do school, how much work he has to do, and how much time the work should take. God is growing my patience, though I am as obstinate a student in this subject as Dietrich is in math
- Instability – For seven and a half years, I served as an army wife. Since my husband’s separation from the service, we have been living with family, waiting on new employment. Though it’s only been two and a half months, we both expected that he would get a job more quickly and we’d be settled in a place of our own by now. I miss the friendship of a moms’ group, the comfort of a church family, and MY STUFF! Then there is the overall “fear of change” part of instability. Yes, change is part of life, but that doesn’t make it easy, and we’ve faced a LOT of change in a short amount of time. And closely related is number
- Insecurity – No income (other than unemployment) after having a regular paycheck is daunting. Fortunately, we don’t have too many expenses living with family. We have been able to keep most of the separation pay in savings, because of our generous family. Even so, I constantly monitor our finances and pinch the pennies we do spend. Another part of this is worrying about what will happen to my family if something should happen to me. As a stay at home wife and mother, I’ve been keeping up with all the finances. I try to make sure my husband knows how to get to everything, but I’m sure I have left things out. This fear has been hitting me on the head all month as three of my friends said a final earthly goodbye to a parent. I have no fear of death for myself, but for those I may leave behind. Therefore, I became more resolved than ever to make healthier choices, to do my part to take care of this earthly vessel.
How do I confront these? Where do I begin? Again, my answer comes from God, a simple and powerful truth: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)